Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Worries

  • I can't make you feel better because I can't talk to you about music in the same way - depth - that you talk to other people. Or I just can't make you feel better at all because maybe I don't know you as well as I hoped/thought or I just suck at it

  • I'm still thinking disorderedly about food

  • My Dad is going to kill himself

  • My family's house with be foreclosed

  • I will not be able to find a good job after this contract runs out and won't be able to pay for the house that we want to rent, or all my money will go to rent and we won't be able to live comfortably or save any money

  • I won't be able to find/pay for a psychiatrist


Those are the main ones right now.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

BE MYYYYYYY VALENTIYYYNE

Last week was an unusually good week. Starting Monday night Sam and I housesat in Takoma Park (well, basically Silver Spring). We cut our work commute in half, and both fell in love with the place. It's going up for rent in June, and we're considering moving in. More than considering.

Valentine's Day was happy indeed. I woke up to a "Happy Valentine's Day" red metallic banner hanging from the ceiling and a cute card on the table. At work he left a rainbow heart card on my desk when I walked away momentarily. After, we went to Bacchus of Lebanon for a fantastic mezze dinner. I felt beautiful in my drapey maxi dress and Sam looked dapper as usual in his pretty shirt and suit jacket. When we got home, flowers had been delivered - a lovely pink arrangement of gerbera daisies, lilies, roses and things. I gave him the rest of the healthy goodies I baked for him, and he gave me a third adorable card and Godiva truffles (his mom gave us Godiva truffles too), and a gift card from Sephora, saying "I want to explain," and that he always thinks I'm beautiful, and he loves how excited I've been since we've been together about being pretty and wearing pretty things and experimenting with actually wearing makeup. He sees how it makes me feel great about myself and how I've embraced it as something self-indulgent that I do for myself, just for me. It makes me happy too.

Those truffles were gone within 3 days. All 36 of them.

We ate out a couple of times at Mark's Kitchen - one of my favorite restaurants ever - and the Mediterranean place right next to it for yet more mezze. Also an Indian place for which we had a LivingSocial deal. I have a mission to try all of the tandoori vegetable dishes at every Indian restaurant. This place had a big flat-screen playing Bollywood, and cool lamps everywhere.

Takoma Park is so close to so many awesome things - good food everywhere, House of Musical Traditions, lots of vintage clothing and goods stores, cute quirky stuff vendors, Whole Foods, you can walk from the house to a Giant, it's right up against DC, the Fillmore is right there, AFI Silver is right there.... I'm smitten, is basically what I'm saying.

I was in a good mood the whole week. I felt pretty great about myself, my general confidence level was the best it's been in a while. I'm pretty much always optimistic, sometimes to a fault, but this week I caught a hold of something I hadn't felt but fleetingly in the recent past: contentment. Tenuous, inconstant, yes. But it's something.